Which came first, the marriage or the baby?

After reading the comments made on a post from one of my boredom, filling websites that Chris Brown is planning to impregnate his girlfriend of 5 years, Karreuche Tran, it got me thinking. Which is the most important sign of progression in a relationship, marriage or kids?

Well on this website the comments trolled Chris Brown’s Instagram post which read “damn near 5 years and this woman still putting up with my sh*t. Need to have this baby and stop playing!…”. by stating that he has been with his partner for 5years and all he wants to do is have kids with her but not marry her. One person stated that she would rather her partner want to give his life to her through marriage than just have kids with them.

In a traditional sense, it is has always been the common consensus, that to give ones life to someone is to marry them but the growing trend for the 21st century is to have the baby first then think about marriage later. It used to be frowned upon to have children out of wedlock because it was looked at as a taboo. Marriage was a symbol of covenant given to a couple from god now some people look at marriage as just a piece of paper and a ring. Due to this, it is acceptable to assume that most people are preferring to have children together without the marriage commitment because maybe they feel that sharing something through blood is more of a life commitment. As I heard the words from an American programme, “because I am the baby’s mother and you are the baby’s father, we are bound together until one of us is 6 feet under!”.

So it appears that there are few traditional people and couples around and the next steps is to have a baby but has the values and beliefs of the world progressed or regressed, what do you think?

Recently watched: Maleficent. “Magnificent Maleficent!”

Last week Saturday, I came back from Portugal with my sister which was my best holiday ever and it was back to my weekly commitments. One commitment in particular that I gain bundles of rewards from is Mentoring young people whom are Looked After in Care.

So I decided to surprise my Mentee by going and taking her to watch the film Maleficent which she said she wanted to see and I wanted to see it to due to Angelina Jolie starring in it.

When we left the cinema, all we could say was Wow, Wow, Wow. We left feeling so enchanted. The graphics were amazing and the storyline was consistent and moralistic.

The movie which is a spinoff of Disney’s classic, Sleeping Beauty tells the story of Sleeping Beauty’s fairy godmother whom is in fact Maleficent. We are shown Maleficent from her child hood up until she becomes Sleep Beauty’s evil fairy godmother. The film explains the steps as to why Maleficent became so cold and heartless which was unfortunately due to her childhood sweethearts deception, removing her wings whilst she was asleep in order to become King and creating his own family in spite of her love for him.

Maleficent goes to see the blessing of her childhood sweetheart, Stephen’s only child, Aurora, AKA Sleeping Beauty for herself after being informed by a bird whom she uses throughout the film to be her “wings” to spy on the plans of Stephen and becomes so enraged and angry that she casts a spell for the child to fall a sleep on her 16th birthday after pricking her finger with a spindle wheel. The only thing that she cursed could break the spell was the kiss of true love. I won’t spoil the ending for you because it really is a must see movie.

This curse and hatred brought out the moral of the story which I explained to my Mentee, which is that people are not born evil or cold, something traumatising usually has happened to them which makes them have no empathy or care to others because they feel that they were not treated with care and empathy. There is the other option which is where the person may choose to grow from the experience and make sure that they give the care and empathy that they truly desired to others but in this movie they have given an example of the latter.

An action packed, magical story which kept us on the edge of our seat waiting to see what happened next starring Angelina Jolie as Maleficent who is a fantastic actress in general and plays this role superbly.


Worst Behaviour

So I was having a long discussion with my older sister over a nice bottle of wine in a very nice bar in Hammersmith and having a late catchup. In our many discussions we began talking about relationships and the many clichés that come with new relationships.

One which has interested me massively for some years now, has to be the process of people being on their “best behaviour” when they start dating or talking to someone that they are interested in. I was highly baffled by this process seeing as I am a person uncomfortable with pretentiousness. In all fairness, it has become such a common ideology which in turn has made it a normality of the beginnings of relationships but I’m not the type of person to go with the things dubbed as normal in this very strange world that we live in.

So I asked her, “why do people be on their best behaviour when starting out?” And she rightfully said, “to conceal their odd or unpopular ideas/characteristics!”. Me already anticipating that very answer said, well if that’s the case, I’ve been and I will always be on my Worst Behaviour!

I then digressed the implications of being on ones best behaviour. This behaviour is a false and created behaviour which gives the other person a false understanding and representation of ones self which results in selling the other person a dream and even in some cases a false connection. Why would someone, want to perceive themselves in a presentation other than their real selves?!? This would create a cycle in which the person has to keep up with this false persona and potentially “catching a fish” which they may not have gotten had their real character had shown up to all the phone conversations, dinner dates, text messages and so on.

I then discussed with my sister about the future implications of this pretentious behaviour, short term happiness. This is the sort of thing that sets people up to think that they have found someone whom ticks all their boxes when in actuality they may tick all their wrong boxes when the real them starts to make an appearance. I queried with her whether a person would even want to be with that person that they caught whilst they where on their best behaviour because after all, you had to be someone else to catch them?!

Similarly, I expressed my views on those self help books which many females read, telling them ways and rules to get their perfect partner. If you have to apply rules that do not come second nature to you or change your character in order to pin down a person you desire, I think that in itself says a lot about the destiny of this relationship. Clearly it’s not meant to be! Things that are meant to be, flow naturally without second or third parties or the need for someone to be someone else, which is why past experiences have shown me the very importance of being yourself. Yes it’s scary to put your full self out there and be in a vulnerable position but when you really think about it, what do you have to lose?! The way I see it is, if a door closes you should be happy because it gives chance to the right door. With every bad there definitely is a good to learn or gain.

People should be their selves and the right people will love you for yourself. In short, what we want isn’t always what we need! Get out their and be on your Worst Behaviour, I already am!


Oh and I just thought I’d bless this post with my husband’s song! Drake – Worst Behaviour. Have a great day!