So I was having a long discussion with my older sister over a nice bottle of wine in a very nice bar in Hammersmith and having a late catchup. In our many discussions we began talking about relationships and the many clichés that come with new relationships.
One which has interested me massively for some years now, has to be the process of people being on their “best behaviour” when they start dating or talking to someone that they are interested in. I was highly baffled by this process seeing as I am a person uncomfortable with pretentiousness. In all fairness, it has become such a common ideology which in turn has made it a normality of the beginnings of relationships but I’m not the type of person to go with the things dubbed as normal in this very strange world that we live in.
So I asked her, “why do people be on their best behaviour when starting out?” And she rightfully said, “to conceal their odd or unpopular ideas/characteristics!”. Me already anticipating that very answer said, well if that’s the case, I’ve been and I will always be on my Worst Behaviour!
I then digressed the implications of being on ones best behaviour. This behaviour is a false and created behaviour which gives the other person a false understanding and representation of ones self which results in selling the other person a dream and even in some cases a false connection. Why would someone, want to perceive themselves in a presentation other than their real selves?!? This would create a cycle in which the person has to keep up with this false persona and potentially “catching a fish” which they may not have gotten had their real character had shown up to all the phone conversations, dinner dates, text messages and so on.
I then discussed with my sister about the future implications of this pretentious behaviour, short term happiness. This is the sort of thing that sets people up to think that they have found someone whom ticks all their boxes when in actuality they may tick all their wrong boxes when the real them starts to make an appearance. I queried with her whether a person would even want to be with that person that they caught whilst they where on their best behaviour because after all, you had to be someone else to catch them?!
Similarly, I expressed my views on those self help books which many females read, telling them ways and rules to get their perfect partner. If you have to apply rules that do not come second nature to you or change your character in order to pin down a person you desire, I think that in itself says a lot about the destiny of this relationship. Clearly it’s not meant to be! Things that are meant to be, flow naturally without second or third parties or the need for someone to be someone else, which is why past experiences have shown me the very importance of being yourself. Yes it’s scary to put your full self out there and be in a vulnerable position but when you really think about it, what do you have to lose?! The way I see it is, if a door closes you should be happy because it gives chance to the right door. With every bad there definitely is a good to learn or gain.
People should be their selves and the right people will love you for yourself. In short, what we want isn’t always what we need! Get out their and be on your Worst Behaviour, I already am!
Oh and I just thought I’d bless this post with my husband’s song! Drake – Worst Behaviour. Have a great day!