Which came first, the marriage or the baby?

After reading the comments made on a post from one of my boredom, filling websites that Chris Brown is planning to impregnate his girlfriend of 5 years, Karreuche Tran, it got me thinking. Which is the most important sign of progression in a relationship, marriage or kids?

Well on this website the comments trolled Chris Brown’s Instagram post which read “damn near 5 years and this woman still putting up with my sh*t. Need to have this baby and stop playing!…”. by stating that he has been with his partner for 5years and all he wants to do is have kids with her but not marry her. One person stated that she would rather her partner want to give his life to her through marriage than just have kids with them.

In a traditional sense, it is has always been the common consensus, that to give ones life to someone is to marry them but the growing trend for the 21st century is to have the baby first then think about marriage later. It used to be frowned upon to have children out of wedlock because it was looked at as a taboo. Marriage was a symbol of covenant given to a couple from god now some people look at marriage as just a piece of paper and a ring. Due to this, it is acceptable to assume that most people are preferring to have children together without the marriage commitment because maybe they feel that sharing something through blood is more of a life commitment. As I heard the words from an American programme, “because I am the baby’s mother and you are the baby’s father, we are bound together until one of us is 6 feet under!”.

So it appears that there are few traditional people and couples around and the next steps is to have a baby but has the values and beliefs of the world progressed or regressed, what do you think?

Can Guys & Girls be “just friends”?

Lately I’ve been asking myself this question, well I say lately, what I mean is for a couple of years now. I have been looking at the platonic relationships between guys and girls and I’ve been wondering if they really can be “just friends”.

I think this question came about when a good long time male friend of mine, decided to cut ties after 7 years of friendship. This came as quite a shock seeing as this person was a best friend of mine whom I’d practically lived with on occasion, sharing everything including his bed. His mother became a second mother and I was thought of as part of the family.

Well one day I noticed a little different behaviour. Behaviour we as friends had never included in our friendship. (For the purpose of this persons identity I will not disclose everything). I dusted off this behaviour even then though it did alert me somewhat. A close person suggested to this person that we should become an item and he stated, she does not view me that way. It was from then onwards that I would not hear from this person again. As I spoke to other males of his star sign , I was enlightened and found out that he could not just be my friend because he needed to be my partner.

This made me think. Women are made out to be clingy and over emotional, whilst men are deemed logical and detached. So it would seem that women would find it difficult to be “just friends” with a guy that they fancied and who did not feel the same way. But with my constant research, it has proven to be quite the other way.

I have personally experienced and witnessed more and more the shut down of male and female friendships due to the lack of interest of the female willing to take it further. It’s like the guys make believe that they can be friends but then you start seeing less conversation, less interest than before, which equals the shut down of the friendship.

Most females I talk to say and have shown that they have no problem being friends with an ex, someone new or someone that wants a physical relationship with them, myself included. But this usually never winds up happening because the male is unable to accept that it will be just friendship and ends up being cold and unfriendly. This leads me on to my next theory/debate.

Is it possible for guys to actually have intentions to be just your friends and nothing else? I was discussing this with my sister the other day and I told her that it is very very rare for a guy to approach girl and only have intentions of being her friend. When it comes down to the bone of things, I have never seen this happen. I have never seen or experienced a guy wanting to be friends with a female because she seemed like a “cool” girl to be friends with. I say this because this actually happened to me the other day. I was stopped by a guy who decided to comment on how “cool” my clothes were and then said he would like to take me to dinner and hang out with me because I seem like a “cool” girl. As I do, I read through the lines and realised that he was interested in me in more than just a platonic level, which I stated and he confirmed. The wanting to “hang out” with me was just a cover up for the obvious.

Usually I’ve seen guys be friends with girls they are not attracted to, that they know through work or some other mundane connection. And the contact that they have with these friends is usually not as much, in comparison to the amount they have with their male friends. But these friendships have been built out of circumstance. Whereas, when a male chooses to approach a female to be “friends” with outside of daily circumstances, it is more often than not a cover up to get closer to her on a personal level. Due to this, most females decline the friendship because they know that, that guy may want more which in turn makes it harder to trust them and to save the awkwardness/drama of when the guy decides to cut them off when he realises that this friendship will not develop further!

To conclude, I have seen and so believe that it is possible for women to be friends with someone they are attracted to whom does not feel the same way but It appears that men find this to be quite a challenge.

These are just a few things I have been considering and scaling over in my mind. What do you think?

Men & Wedding Rings

I’ve heard quite recently from a few people that men do not like to wear their wedding rings because it makes them more attractive to women. Kathy Wakile from The Real Housewives of New Jersey stated in Season 3 that her husband does not like to wear his wedding ring because other women will think that “he’s a keeper”. This baffles me. Why would seeing a man with a wedding ring be an attractive attribute for a single or any woman for that matter?! Wouldn’t it put you off knowing that, that man is in a commited relationship elsewhere?! Well I think it would for those with morals and principals.

Has the taboo of wanting what you cant have become so popular that men feel the need to hide their most cherished commitment from the world?! If this is the case, I think we need to do some inside discussions with ourselves to figure out why we would want or chase after a person whom is out our accessibility. This also just tells me that again, it appears that it is unattractive to be a single person which creates all types of pressures for those single men.

Women, we should be striving for someone whom shares the same relationship status as ourselves & we should never judge another for the fact that they are not or have not been married as it does not validate how “keeper” worthy this person is. There is a thing such as values and patience and some people are just waiting for that right person who will share their values.

Recently watched: Baggage Claim

I recently watched Baggage Claim starring sexy Paula Patton, Jill Scott, Taye Diggs, Tia Mowry, Adam Brody, Christina Milian, Lauren London & Trey Songs. This movie is about a lady feeling pressured to hurry up and find a husband due to her pushy mother and her peers who are all Married with kids.

This movie touched on a subject that most women I know have felt or are feeling at this very moment in time, the pressure to settle down.

The main character played by Paula Patton finds herself on a mission to find herself a husband in time for her little sisters wedding in just 30 days. Whilst Patton desperately struggles to complete this mission, even covering old grown with past lovers, to her surprise she ends up with a proposition from her childhood, best friend whom lives just across the hall from her in her apartment.

The movie is a little predictable but the moral is quite inspiring. Just as Patton stopped looking for love and decided that she needs to focus on herself, love came running to her.

Sometimes you don’t have to look too far to find the very thing your looking for because it may just be in front of you.

Good performance from singer turned actress, Jill Scott. A romantic & funny movie.

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