Tag: Marriage

Which came first, the marriage or the baby?

After reading the comments made on a post from one of my boredom, filling websites that Chris Brown is planning to impregnate his girlfriend of 5 years, Karreuche Tran, it got me thinking. Which is the most important sign of progression in a relationship, marriage or kids?

Well on this website the comments trolled Chris Brown’s Instagram post which read “damn near 5 years and this woman still putting up with my sh*t. Need to have this baby and stop playing!…”. by stating that he has been with his partner for 5years and all he wants to do is have kids with her but not marry her. One person stated that she would rather her partner want to give his life to her through marriage than just have kids with them.

In a traditional sense, it is has always been the common consensus, that to give ones life to someone is to marry them but the growing trend for the 21st century is to have the baby first then think about marriage later. It used to be frowned upon to have children out of wedlock because it was looked at as a taboo. Marriage was a symbol of covenant given to a couple from god now some people look at marriage as just a piece of paper and a ring. Due to this, it is acceptable to assume that most people are preferring to have children together without the marriage commitment because maybe they feel that sharing something through blood is more of a life commitment. As I heard the words from an American programme, “because I am the baby’s mother and you are the baby’s father, we are bound together until one of us is 6 feet under!”.

So it appears that there are few traditional people and couples around and the next steps is to have a baby but has the values and beliefs of the world progressed or regressed, what do you think?

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Men & Wedding Rings

I’ve heard quite recently from a few people that men do not like to wear their wedding rings because it makes them more attractive to women. Kathy Wakile from The Real Housewives of New Jersey stated in Season 3 that her husband does not like to wear his wedding ring because other women will think that “he’s a keeper”. This baffles me. Why would seeing a man with a wedding ring be an attractive attribute for a single or any woman for that matter?! Wouldn’t it put you off knowing that, that man is in a commited relationship elsewhere?! Well I think it would for those with morals and principals.

Has the taboo of wanting what you cant have become so popular that men feel the need to hide their most cherished commitment from the world?! If this is the case, I think we need to do some inside discussions with ourselves to figure out why we would want or chase after a person whom is out our accessibility. This also just tells me that again, it appears that it is unattractive to be a single person which creates all types of pressures for those single men.

Women, we should be striving for someone whom shares the same relationship status as ourselves & we should never judge another for the fact that they are not or have not been married as it does not validate how “keeper” worthy this person is. There is a thing such as values and patience and some people are just waiting for that right person who will share their values.

Recently watched: Baggage Claim

I recently watched Baggage Claim starring sexy Paula Patton, Jill Scott, Taye Diggs, Tia Mowry, Adam Brody, Christina Milian, Lauren London & Trey Songs. This movie is about a lady feeling pressured to hurry up and find a husband due to her pushy mother and her peers who are all Married with kids.

This movie touched on a subject that most women I know have felt or are feeling at this very moment in time, the pressure to settle down.

The main character played by Paula Patton finds herself on a mission to find herself a husband in time for her little sisters wedding in just 30 days. Whilst Patton desperately struggles to complete this mission, even covering old grown with past lovers, to her surprise she ends up with a proposition from her childhood, best friend whom lives just across the hall from her in her apartment.

The movie is a little predictable but the moral is quite inspiring. Just as Patton stopped looking for love and decided that she needs to focus on herself, love came running to her.

Sometimes you don’t have to look too far to find the very thing your looking for because it may just be in front of you.

Good performance from singer turned actress, Jill Scott. A romantic & funny movie.

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For marriage or For fun?!

Recently, I have spoken to a few of my single friends and as I do, I formed a deep discussion on what they deem to be their perfect partner.

Well to my surprise, as I was absorbing their idealistic view points, I was astonished when they divulged to me that they feel marriage material males are guys who they deem less attractive.

They had been dating for a while and began to express how they were really attracted to a few guys but ended the dates short when they thought of marriage. When I asked why this was so, they elaborated this point for me, “you don’t want a really attractive partner because those males are not serious and they will be constantly attracting attention, which you don’t want to have to worry about”. Hmmmm…

I had never looked from this point of view. Is it really true that the attractive guys are here to live infinite lives of playing the field?! and is it really true that they would never give up that lifestyle due to all the attention they get?! These were questions and views I had never considered.

As I scanned the coffee shop that we were having this discussion in, I noticed a few rather attractive males seated with whom I assumed to be there partner.

To the girls it was a common consensus but I couldn’t help but say that maybe this opinion was a barrier to keep the ladies from falling in love?! Maybe it was there own insecurities creeping in?!

When we usually first come in to contact with a person we like, it is because their appearance has pleased our eyes resulting in us feeling a physical attraction. We then want to find out if this attraction will be deeper than this by seeking for this pleasure given to our eyes but inwardly.

I do not know of anyone who deep down inside does not want a partner that they are as physically attracted to as well as mentally attracted to. It is difficult for me to comprehend that a person would seek a person who they are not physically attracted to for marriage without having any underlying insecurities.

What an unhappy life you would lead knowing that secretly you would rather your partner was more attractive. Do not get me wrong, I am not a superficial lady at all but we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that we do like things that please our eyes first.

I do believe that there is someone for everyone and that person exceeds your desires. I do not and will not believe in settling for anything other than the best, whatever your best might be. Think the best & you shall get the best!

Blurred Lines

As promised in my For better or For worse post which I discussed Married life based upon a photo of Robin Thicke, I am going to address the topic of infidelity and what it might mean to many.

When it comes to monogamous relationships, where does the lines become clearly crossed in regards to infidelity?! Well when a couple commit to monogamy some might say that the physical pleasures that the two people involved experience, do not embark on experiencing those pleasures with others outside of their union. But what are these physical pleasures?! These physical pleasures can involve kissing and sexual contact of any kind such as groping and spanking.

But Is flirting cheating? Well some people flirt as a natural part of their characteristics. Some people don’t even know that they are flirting! Some sources say that it’s good to flirt because it builds people’s levels of communication and confidence.

Flirting can be upsetting sometimes, no matter how innocent the flirters intentions are because again, some may feel that it crosses the lines of fidelity.

Lets talk a little on communication. Is infidelity only aligned with physical action or can it be a mental thing too? Well most people build deeper connections on a physical basis and then proceed to feel the need to get closer to another mentally & emotionally. But what if an attached person gets closer to another person mentally and emotionally, would we consider this cheating? If you found out that your partner was having long deep meaningful, intimate talks with someone of the opposite sex, would this enrage you as much as it would if you found out that they were in fact sleeping together?After all, both scenarios are a form of connection!

Me being devils advocate, I’m just displaying every angle of how blurred lines can appear in a relationship but its really up to the two individuals involved in the union to agree on what they consider to be a boundary crosser.

So to conclude, we may not agree with another persons actions because yes we do have our own opinions but in reality it does come down to the fact that we hold no position in that relationship so who are we to say when a line has been crossed? We do not know where that couple’s starting point of their barriers begins or finishes. So as long as the couple has communicated on these barriers and no ones feelings become trampled on, there shall be no blurred lines!

For better or for worse!

So after seeing a picture of one my loves (imaginary) Robin Thicke groping a girl with his shirt loosened and a elated expression on his face to his wife’s disbelief, the question to me still stands. Why not stay single if you want to still mingle?!

Well, I know in this day and age some would say that as a generation we are all to quick to get divorced but I think why stay married if you are not committed and you are not going to take it seriously?!

As a person, if you do not feel you have enough control of yourself and of your temptations, why not communicate this with your partner first? Express where your heads at or how you feel the relationship is going. People are not direct enough, which often leads them to do the cowardly thing, perform infidelity.

To often people adopt the cliché, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” attitude in order to lead a so-called “thrilling” lifestyle where keeping secrets and the possibilities of getting caught are a big turn on, when in actuality its a cop out.This kind of action marks the beginning of the idea that you feel that your partner is not of high or at least equal value. Why not give them the heads up, so that they can decide whether they actually want to be with you too?!

Well my theories are that people stay in these marriages frightened to admit that their relationship isn’t working because they think that this screams out failure to others when on contrary, it is only screaming out to themselves. The need to keep up appearances remains strong because society has made it quite unattractive to be a single person.

It appears that people think that when you are single you are not happy. You are not desired and as a result you are lonely. This is all a bunch of B.S to be quite frank. This thought is not by default through being single, these thoughts are only thoughts you CHOOSE to embark. We all CHOOSE how we want to feel about something and what we want to do. It all starts with YOU.

This is the main issue. A majority of people feel they need validation through the eyes, opinion and companionship of another. But what we need to first learn is to start solely with loving ourselves. This again is something which, society does not promote.

Monogamy is a beautiful thing, which is applied in order to build and develop a deeper connection. If this kinda depth is not for you then I feel it’s best not to promise such a commitment.

In my opinion, when we stay in something whether it be work, or in this case relationships, when we know its not making us happy, it’s a sign of weakness not a sign of weakness when we decide to move on. Some situations are here to make us evolve and learn so all we must do is be thankful for the experience because it is preparation for whatever is next in our lives!

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*I take on board that this photo is suggestive and some may not feel it is evidence that infidelity is taking place but I will soon blog about this query also*

Feel free to share your opinions 🙂