Lately I’ve been asking myself this question, well I say lately, what I mean is for a couple of years now. I have been looking at the platonic relationships between guys and girls and I’ve been wondering if they really can be “just friends”.
I think this question came about when a good long time male friend of mine, decided to cut ties after 7 years of friendship. This came as quite a shock seeing as this person was a best friend of mine whom I’d practically lived with on occasion, sharing everything including his bed. His mother became a second mother and I was thought of as part of the family.
Well one day I noticed a little different behaviour. Behaviour we as friends had never included in our friendship. (For the purpose of this persons identity I will not disclose everything). I dusted off this behaviour even then though it did alert me somewhat. A close person suggested to this person that we should become an item and he stated, she does not view me that way. It was from then onwards that I would not hear from this person again. As I spoke to other males of his star sign , I was enlightened and found out that he could not just be my friend because he needed to be my partner.
This made me think. Women are made out to be clingy and over emotional, whilst men are deemed logical and detached. So it would seem that women would find it difficult to be “just friends” with a guy that they fancied and who did not feel the same way. But with my constant research, it has proven to be quite the other way.
I have personally experienced and witnessed more and more the shut down of male and female friendships due to the lack of interest of the female willing to take it further. It’s like the guys make believe that they can be friends but then you start seeing less conversation, less interest than before, which equals the shut down of the friendship.
Most females I talk to say and have shown that they have no problem being friends with an ex, someone new or someone that wants a physical relationship with them, myself included. But this usually never winds up happening because the male is unable to accept that it will be just friendship and ends up being cold and unfriendly. This leads me on to my next theory/debate.
Is it possible for guys to actually have intentions to be just your friends and nothing else? I was discussing this with my sister the other day and I told her that it is very very rare for a guy to approach girl and only have intentions of being her friend. When it comes down to the bone of things, I have never seen this happen. I have never seen or experienced a guy wanting to be friends with a female because she seemed like a “cool” girl to be friends with. I say this because this actually happened to me the other day. I was stopped by a guy who decided to comment on how “cool” my clothes were and then said he would like to take me to dinner and hang out with me because I seem like a “cool” girl. As I do, I read through the lines and realised that he was interested in me in more than just a platonic level, which I stated and he confirmed. The wanting to “hang out” with me was just a cover up for the obvious.
Usually I’ve seen guys be friends with girls they are not attracted to, that they know through work or some other mundane connection. And the contact that they have with these friends is usually not as much, in comparison to the amount they have with their male friends. But these friendships have been built out of circumstance. Whereas, when a male chooses to approach a female to be “friends” with outside of daily circumstances, it is more often than not a cover up to get closer to her on a personal level. Due to this, most females decline the friendship because they know that, that guy may want more which in turn makes it harder to trust them and to save the awkwardness/drama of when the guy decides to cut them off when he realises that this friendship will not develop further!
To conclude, I have seen and so believe that it is possible for women to be friends with someone they are attracted to whom does not feel the same way but It appears that men find this to be quite a challenge.
These are just a few things I have been considering and scaling over in my mind. What do you think?