Worst Behaviour

So I was having a long discussion with my older sister over a nice bottle of wine in a very nice bar in Hammersmith and having a late catchup. In our many discussions we began talking about relationships and the many clichés that come with new relationships.

One which has interested me massively for some years now, has to be the process of people being on their “best behaviour” when they start dating or talking to someone that they are interested in. I was highly baffled by this process seeing as I am a person uncomfortable with pretentiousness. In all fairness, it has become such a common ideology which in turn has made it a normality of the beginnings of relationships but I’m not the type of person to go with the things dubbed as normal in this very strange world that we live in.

So I asked her, “why do people be on their best behaviour when starting out?” And she rightfully said, “to conceal their odd or unpopular ideas/characteristics!”. Me already anticipating that very answer said, well if that’s the case, I’ve been and I will always be on my Worst Behaviour!

I then digressed the implications of being on ones best behaviour. This behaviour is a false and created behaviour which gives the other person a false understanding and representation of ones self which results in selling the other person a dream and even in some cases a false connection. Why would someone, want to perceive themselves in a presentation other than their real selves?!? This would create a cycle in which the person has to keep up with this false persona and potentially “catching a fish” which they may not have gotten had their real character had shown up to all the phone conversations, dinner dates, text messages and so on.

I then discussed with my sister about the future implications of this pretentious behaviour, short term happiness. This is the sort of thing that sets people up to think that they have found someone whom ticks all their boxes when in actuality they may tick all their wrong boxes when the real them starts to make an appearance. I queried with her whether a person would even want to be with that person that they caught whilst they where on their best behaviour because after all, you had to be someone else to catch them?!

Similarly, I expressed my views on those self help books which many females read, telling them ways and rules to get their perfect partner. If you have to apply rules that do not come second nature to you or change your character in order to pin down a person you desire, I think that in itself says a lot about the destiny of this relationship. Clearly it’s not meant to be! Things that are meant to be, flow naturally without second or third parties or the need for someone to be someone else, which is why past experiences have shown me the very importance of being yourself. Yes it’s scary to put your full self out there and be in a vulnerable position but when you really think about it, what do you have to lose?! The way I see it is, if a door closes you should be happy because it gives chance to the right door. With every bad there definitely is a good to learn or gain.

People should be their selves and the right people will love you for yourself. In short, what we want isn’t always what we need! Get out their and be on your Worst Behaviour, I already am!

 

Oh and I just thought I’d bless this post with my husband’s song! Drake – Worst Behaviour. Have a great day!

 

For marriage or For fun?!

Recently, I have spoken to a few of my single friends and as I do, I formed a deep discussion on what they deem to be their perfect partner.

Well to my surprise, as I was absorbing their idealistic view points, I was astonished when they divulged to me that they feel marriage material males are guys who they deem less attractive.

They had been dating for a while and began to express how they were really attracted to a few guys but ended the dates short when they thought of marriage. When I asked why this was so, they elaborated this point for me, “you don’t want a really attractive partner because those males are not serious and they will be constantly attracting attention, which you don’t want to have to worry about”. Hmmmm…

I had never looked from this point of view. Is it really true that the attractive guys are here to live infinite lives of playing the field?! and is it really true that they would never give up that lifestyle due to all the attention they get?! These were questions and views I had never considered.

As I scanned the coffee shop that we were having this discussion in, I noticed a few rather attractive males seated with whom I assumed to be there partner.

To the girls it was a common consensus but I couldn’t help but say that maybe this opinion was a barrier to keep the ladies from falling in love?! Maybe it was there own insecurities creeping in?!

When we usually first come in to contact with a person we like, it is because their appearance has pleased our eyes resulting in us feeling a physical attraction. We then want to find out if this attraction will be deeper than this by seeking for this pleasure given to our eyes but inwardly.

I do not know of anyone who deep down inside does not want a partner that they are as physically attracted to as well as mentally attracted to. It is difficult for me to comprehend that a person would seek a person who they are not physically attracted to for marriage without having any underlying insecurities.

What an unhappy life you would lead knowing that secretly you would rather your partner was more attractive. Do not get me wrong, I am not a superficial lady at all but we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that we do like things that please our eyes first.

I do believe that there is someone for everyone and that person exceeds your desires. I do not and will not believe in settling for anything other than the best, whatever your best might be. Think the best & you shall get the best!

Blurred Lines

As promised in my For better or For worse post which I discussed Married life based upon a photo of Robin Thicke, I am going to address the topic of infidelity and what it might mean to many.

When it comes to monogamous relationships, where does the lines become clearly crossed in regards to infidelity?! Well when a couple commit to monogamy some might say that the physical pleasures that the two people involved experience, do not embark on experiencing those pleasures with others outside of their union. But what are these physical pleasures?! These physical pleasures can involve kissing and sexual contact of any kind such as groping and spanking.

But Is flirting cheating? Well some people flirt as a natural part of their characteristics. Some people don’t even know that they are flirting! Some sources say that it’s good to flirt because it builds people’s levels of communication and confidence.

Flirting can be upsetting sometimes, no matter how innocent the flirters intentions are because again, some may feel that it crosses the lines of fidelity.

Lets talk a little on communication. Is infidelity only aligned with physical action or can it be a mental thing too? Well most people build deeper connections on a physical basis and then proceed to feel the need to get closer to another mentally & emotionally. But what if an attached person gets closer to another person mentally and emotionally, would we consider this cheating? If you found out that your partner was having long deep meaningful, intimate talks with someone of the opposite sex, would this enrage you as much as it would if you found out that they were in fact sleeping together?After all, both scenarios are a form of connection!

Me being devils advocate, I’m just displaying every angle of how blurred lines can appear in a relationship but its really up to the two individuals involved in the union to agree on what they consider to be a boundary crosser.

So to conclude, we may not agree with another persons actions because yes we do have our own opinions but in reality it does come down to the fact that we hold no position in that relationship so who are we to say when a line has been crossed? We do not know where that couple’s starting point of their barriers begins or finishes. So as long as the couple has communicated on these barriers and no ones feelings become trampled on, there shall be no blurred lines!

For better or for worse!

So after seeing a picture of one my loves (imaginary) Robin Thicke groping a girl with his shirt loosened and a elated expression on his face to his wife’s disbelief, the question to me still stands. Why not stay single if you want to still mingle?!

Well, I know in this day and age some would say that as a generation we are all to quick to get divorced but I think why stay married if you are not committed and you are not going to take it seriously?!

As a person, if you do not feel you have enough control of yourself and of your temptations, why not communicate this with your partner first? Express where your heads at or how you feel the relationship is going. People are not direct enough, which often leads them to do the cowardly thing, perform infidelity.

To often people adopt the cliché, “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” attitude in order to lead a so-called “thrilling” lifestyle where keeping secrets and the possibilities of getting caught are a big turn on, when in actuality its a cop out.This kind of action marks the beginning of the idea that you feel that your partner is not of high or at least equal value. Why not give them the heads up, so that they can decide whether they actually want to be with you too?!

Well my theories are that people stay in these marriages frightened to admit that their relationship isn’t working because they think that this screams out failure to others when on contrary, it is only screaming out to themselves. The need to keep up appearances remains strong because society has made it quite unattractive to be a single person.

It appears that people think that when you are single you are not happy. You are not desired and as a result you are lonely. This is all a bunch of B.S to be quite frank. This thought is not by default through being single, these thoughts are only thoughts you CHOOSE to embark. We all CHOOSE how we want to feel about something and what we want to do. It all starts with YOU.

This is the main issue. A majority of people feel they need validation through the eyes, opinion and companionship of another. But what we need to first learn is to start solely with loving ourselves. This again is something which, society does not promote.

Monogamy is a beautiful thing, which is applied in order to build and develop a deeper connection. If this kinda depth is not for you then I feel it’s best not to promise such a commitment.

In my opinion, when we stay in something whether it be work, or in this case relationships, when we know its not making us happy, it’s a sign of weakness not a sign of weakness when we decide to move on. Some situations are here to make us evolve and learn so all we must do is be thankful for the experience because it is preparation for whatever is next in our lives!

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*I take on board that this photo is suggestive and some may not feel it is evidence that infidelity is taking place but I will soon blog about this query also*

Feel free to share your opinions 🙂

A repetitive groove…

Morning fellow bloggers, I’m a deep thinker and a logical one at that, which is a rare ability in this world. As promised, I am going to give you a first glimpse of the many thoughts that swim in my mind. So here it goes… After seeing the many actions of those that walk this Earth, I have come to the conclusion that people find some sort of happiness/pleasure in repeating their actions, whether towards others or habitually. I have asked the questions when speaking with others about their situations involving matters of the heart, why a person would want to continue doing something which their interest has pulled them up about?! Sounds inconsiderate doesn’t it?! Well in actuality, I had come to the understanding that these very people who were pulled up by their partner, apparently would give anything for a drama-free life when in reality these people are drama driven individuals.

So this is where the repetitive behaviour becomes the best source of action. Most people are rebellious souls, craving to be told not to do something, igniting a sense of power and control they feel they lack in their everyday lives. That empty space they feel drives them to begin to crave this within their personal relationships, creating a parent and child situation. All for what?! Attention! These people demand a lot of time & energy into nurturing their growing sadistic behaviour (which I frankly don’t care to have). Be weary of such individuals who seem to consistently let you down with the very thing you said you didn’t like, these individuals are not content and will use mental abuse to feel complete.

On the other side of the spectrum, we are all human, well at least I think we are and we all make mistakes but we need to actively portray our well evolved characters by plain simply apologizing for how our actions have made another feel. Now that’s consideration!