To hunt or be hunted?!


It has been commonly stated that men are hunters and what they truly desire, they will hunt for it like a starved wolf to no avail. We women should sit back and do the traditional thing, wait to be preyed on. But how much of this theory is actually true?

Me, an individual not very interested by rules but traditional with some of my views was discussing this topic with another rule bending close one. Her stance has been to go up and approach the one you like without a blink of an eye, whereas I have always held the traditional view that the male should make the first move. 

Well as I am much older than the age that I first adopted this view which was to partly cover up my low confidence and protect me from any possible rejection, I have started to question this ideology just a bit. 

I like to look at the world as a collective regardless of gender and I tend to look at both sides to every story to get a really clear objective. This being said, I have decided to look more into the feelings and thoughts of the males who are knowingly or unknowingly being held to this historical view. 

If you are not a confident person or quite frankly your love interest makes you quiver at the thought of “Hello”, how is it logically possible that you should be relied upon to hunt this being out. 

Does it make you less womanly for doing the job for him by making the first approach and does it make him less manly for not having the courage!? Well my friend has now decided that she is going to refrain from approaching guys because she feels that she is emasculating the very male that she wants due to taking on the “masculine role”. 

“The emasculation of men is taking place everyday with the lack of dependent women”, I was told by a woman at an inspirational event. This in turn could possibly be the reason that men approaching women is currently at an all time low. They simply feel unneeded and in my most recent experiences, I have learned that people love to be needed. 

Some men have said that they think there is nothing more sexy than a woman who knows what she wants, so why should a woman approaching a man be any different?

I do believe that the more rules the more complicated situations can be because it can leave less room for a natural flow, resulting in pressure and judgement to live up to the status quo. So I am a great believer in living life by your own standards which means going up to that cutie regardless of what sex you are and asking them out. You never know, maybe your prospective lover might have been praying to be hunted by you! 

Which came first, the marriage or the baby?

After reading the comments made on a post from one of my boredom, filling websites that Chris Brown is planning to impregnate his girlfriend of 5 years, Karreuche Tran, it got me thinking. Which is the most important sign of progression in a relationship, marriage or kids?

Well on this website the comments trolled Chris Brown’s Instagram post which read “damn near 5 years and this woman still putting up with my sh*t. Need to have this baby and stop playing!…”. by stating that he has been with his partner for 5years and all he wants to do is have kids with her but not marry her. One person stated that she would rather her partner want to give his life to her through marriage than just have kids with them.

In a traditional sense, it is has always been the common consensus, that to give ones life to someone is to marry them but the growing trend for the 21st century is to have the baby first then think about marriage later. It used to be frowned upon to have children out of wedlock because it was looked at as a taboo. Marriage was a symbol of covenant given to a couple from god now some people look at marriage as just a piece of paper and a ring. Due to this, it is acceptable to assume that most people are preferring to have children together without the marriage commitment because maybe they feel that sharing something through blood is more of a life commitment. As I heard the words from an American programme, “because I am the baby’s mother and you are the baby’s father, we are bound together until one of us is 6 feet under!”.

So it appears that there are few traditional people and couples around and the next steps is to have a baby but has the values and beliefs of the world progressed or regressed, what do you think?

Worst Behaviour

So I was having a long discussion with my older sister over a nice bottle of wine in a very nice bar in Hammersmith and having a late catchup. In our many discussions we began talking about relationships and the many clichés that come with new relationships.

One which has interested me massively for some years now, has to be the process of people being on their “best behaviour” when they start dating or talking to someone that they are interested in. I was highly baffled by this process seeing as I am a person uncomfortable with pretentiousness. In all fairness, it has become such a common ideology which in turn has made it a normality of the beginnings of relationships but I’m not the type of person to go with the things dubbed as normal in this very strange world that we live in.

So I asked her, “why do people be on their best behaviour when starting out?” And she rightfully said, “to conceal their odd or unpopular ideas/characteristics!”. Me already anticipating that very answer said, well if that’s the case, I’ve been and I will always be on my Worst Behaviour!

I then digressed the implications of being on ones best behaviour. This behaviour is a false and created behaviour which gives the other person a false understanding and representation of ones self which results in selling the other person a dream and even in some cases a false connection. Why would someone, want to perceive themselves in a presentation other than their real selves?!? This would create a cycle in which the person has to keep up with this false persona and potentially “catching a fish” which they may not have gotten had their real character had shown up to all the phone conversations, dinner dates, text messages and so on.

I then discussed with my sister about the future implications of this pretentious behaviour, short term happiness. This is the sort of thing that sets people up to think that they have found someone whom ticks all their boxes when in actuality they may tick all their wrong boxes when the real them starts to make an appearance. I queried with her whether a person would even want to be with that person that they caught whilst they where on their best behaviour because after all, you had to be someone else to catch them?!

Similarly, I expressed my views on those self help books which many females read, telling them ways and rules to get their perfect partner. If you have to apply rules that do not come second nature to you or change your character in order to pin down a person you desire, I think that in itself says a lot about the destiny of this relationship. Clearly it’s not meant to be! Things that are meant to be, flow naturally without second or third parties or the need for someone to be someone else, which is why past experiences have shown me the very importance of being yourself. Yes it’s scary to put your full self out there and be in a vulnerable position but when you really think about it, what do you have to lose?! The way I see it is, if a door closes you should be happy because it gives chance to the right door. With every bad there definitely is a good to learn or gain.

People should be their selves and the right people will love you for yourself. In short, what we want isn’t always what we need! Get out their and be on your Worst Behaviour, I already am!

 

Oh and I just thought I’d bless this post with my husband’s song! Drake – Worst Behaviour. Have a great day!

 

Can Guys & Girls be “just friends”?

Lately I’ve been asking myself this question, well I say lately, what I mean is for a couple of years now. I have been looking at the platonic relationships between guys and girls and I’ve been wondering if they really can be “just friends”.

I think this question came about when a good long time male friend of mine, decided to cut ties after 7 years of friendship. This came as quite a shock seeing as this person was a best friend of mine whom I’d practically lived with on occasion, sharing everything including his bed. His mother became a second mother and I was thought of as part of the family.

Well one day I noticed a little different behaviour. Behaviour we as friends had never included in our friendship. (For the purpose of this persons identity I will not disclose everything). I dusted off this behaviour even then though it did alert me somewhat. A close person suggested to this person that we should become an item and he stated, she does not view me that way. It was from then onwards that I would not hear from this person again. As I spoke to other males of his star sign , I was enlightened and found out that he could not just be my friend because he needed to be my partner.

This made me think. Women are made out to be clingy and over emotional, whilst men are deemed logical and detached. So it would seem that women would find it difficult to be “just friends” with a guy that they fancied and who did not feel the same way. But with my constant research, it has proven to be quite the other way.

I have personally experienced and witnessed more and more the shut down of male and female friendships due to the lack of interest of the female willing to take it further. It’s like the guys make believe that they can be friends but then you start seeing less conversation, less interest than before, which equals the shut down of the friendship.

Most females I talk to say and have shown that they have no problem being friends with an ex, someone new or someone that wants a physical relationship with them, myself included. But this usually never winds up happening because the male is unable to accept that it will be just friendship and ends up being cold and unfriendly. This leads me on to my next theory/debate.

Is it possible for guys to actually have intentions to be just your friends and nothing else? I was discussing this with my sister the other day and I told her that it is very very rare for a guy to approach girl and only have intentions of being her friend. When it comes down to the bone of things, I have never seen this happen. I have never seen or experienced a guy wanting to be friends with a female because she seemed like a “cool” girl to be friends with. I say this because this actually happened to me the other day. I was stopped by a guy who decided to comment on how “cool” my clothes were and then said he would like to take me to dinner and hang out with me because I seem like a “cool” girl. As I do, I read through the lines and realised that he was interested in me in more than just a platonic level, which I stated and he confirmed. The wanting to “hang out” with me was just a cover up for the obvious.

Usually I’ve seen guys be friends with girls they are not attracted to, that they know through work or some other mundane connection. And the contact that they have with these friends is usually not as much, in comparison to the amount they have with their male friends. But these friendships have been built out of circumstance. Whereas, when a male chooses to approach a female to be “friends” with outside of daily circumstances, it is more often than not a cover up to get closer to her on a personal level. Due to this, most females decline the friendship because they know that, that guy may want more which in turn makes it harder to trust them and to save the awkwardness/drama of when the guy decides to cut them off when he realises that this friendship will not develop further!

To conclude, I have seen and so believe that it is possible for women to be friends with someone they are attracted to whom does not feel the same way but It appears that men find this to be quite a challenge.

These are just a few things I have been considering and scaling over in my mind. What do you think?

Recently watched: Baggage Claim

I recently watched Baggage Claim starring sexy Paula Patton, Jill Scott, Taye Diggs, Tia Mowry, Adam Brody, Christina Milian, Lauren London & Trey Songs. This movie is about a lady feeling pressured to hurry up and find a husband due to her pushy mother and her peers who are all Married with kids.

This movie touched on a subject that most women I know have felt or are feeling at this very moment in time, the pressure to settle down.

The main character played by Paula Patton finds herself on a mission to find herself a husband in time for her little sisters wedding in just 30 days. Whilst Patton desperately struggles to complete this mission, even covering old grown with past lovers, to her surprise she ends up with a proposition from her childhood, best friend whom lives just across the hall from her in her apartment.

The movie is a little predictable but the moral is quite inspiring. Just as Patton stopped looking for love and decided that she needs to focus on herself, love came running to her.

Sometimes you don’t have to look too far to find the very thing your looking for because it may just be in front of you.

Good performance from singer turned actress, Jill Scott. A romantic & funny movie.

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For marriage or For fun?!

Recently, I have spoken to a few of my single friends and as I do, I formed a deep discussion on what they deem to be their perfect partner.

Well to my surprise, as I was absorbing their idealistic view points, I was astonished when they divulged to me that they feel marriage material males are guys who they deem less attractive.

They had been dating for a while and began to express how they were really attracted to a few guys but ended the dates short when they thought of marriage. When I asked why this was so, they elaborated this point for me, “you don’t want a really attractive partner because those males are not serious and they will be constantly attracting attention, which you don’t want to have to worry about”. Hmmmm…

I had never looked from this point of view. Is it really true that the attractive guys are here to live infinite lives of playing the field?! and is it really true that they would never give up that lifestyle due to all the attention they get?! These were questions and views I had never considered.

As I scanned the coffee shop that we were having this discussion in, I noticed a few rather attractive males seated with whom I assumed to be there partner.

To the girls it was a common consensus but I couldn’t help but say that maybe this opinion was a barrier to keep the ladies from falling in love?! Maybe it was there own insecurities creeping in?!

When we usually first come in to contact with a person we like, it is because their appearance has pleased our eyes resulting in us feeling a physical attraction. We then want to find out if this attraction will be deeper than this by seeking for this pleasure given to our eyes but inwardly.

I do not know of anyone who deep down inside does not want a partner that they are as physically attracted to as well as mentally attracted to. It is difficult for me to comprehend that a person would seek a person who they are not physically attracted to for marriage without having any underlying insecurities.

What an unhappy life you would lead knowing that secretly you would rather your partner was more attractive. Do not get me wrong, I am not a superficial lady at all but we have to be honest with ourselves and admit that we do like things that please our eyes first.

I do believe that there is someone for everyone and that person exceeds your desires. I do not and will not believe in settling for anything other than the best, whatever your best might be. Think the best & you shall get the best!

Rappers Masquerade 🎭

I have been a Hip Hop lover for as long as I can remember. Seeing it progress through the times of REAL Hip Hop to the times of being unworthy of my listening ears (now).

Hip Hop artists have been an inspiration for the youth whether they want to admit or not, often steering the youths, both females and males but mainly males into a spiralling road of unattainable disaster. In my dissertation, I even wrote about the changing beauty ideals in the Hip Hop culture but for this post I will steady my focus on a issue that the males face.

Rappers have made it of best regard to maintain a reputation and representation that clubbing, popping Mollys and promiscuity are the pinnacles of a mans life, channeling young males away from what’s really the importance in life. This is the very reason why Hip Hop has been on the back burner for me.

With all these scantily clad videos and champagne showers I always said to myself that these people can’t be for real?! These 30 something’s continuously living the club life, it’s just a bit of a disgrace! I always knew that this had just be an image that the industry expects them to project!

Well I’ve been watching some celebrity reality TV shows because I love me some American reality TV and I was not so surprised to find out that my thoughts had been confirmed. The artists life and his real life are not one of the same thing!

Old school Gangster rapper, Ice-T has a reality show with his wife called Ice Loves CoCo giving us insights to his extremely loving relationship on a daily basis. He surprised me because he once was affiliated with pimping and gangs yet he is the most loving, supportive partner I’ve ever seen in a male.

Another recent show I watched was Compton rapper The Game’s Marrying The Game. He also surprised me with his deep love for his high school sweetheart of 8 years. He’s quite a traditional simple male who provides for his family, excepts his girlfriend the way she is and all he wants in return is to be loved and cooked for. Yet they seem to still be unable to make it down the isle. Dirty South rapper T.I also has a reality show with his wife and their 6 children called The Family’s Hustle showing the things that he endeavours through his crossover from work to his real life.

It’s quite a shame that with all these rappers and their real lives that its almost seen as unattractive to promote their true selves and lifestyle within their music ultimately leading males to come to the ridiculous conclusion that monogamy and family life is not cool or something to strive for when really their favourite rappers are always in pursuit of normality! Truth of the matter is, is that these rappers are sensitive souls and they are not afraid to show this side to their spouses whether you know it or not. But their industry is designed to make you unaware of this.

It’s up to you to have your own ideals and your own desires and not follow what seems to be on trend, especially when it comes to your own happiness!